I recently turned 35. I have 4 amazing little boys and couldn't be more proud. On my birthday I sat in the park with the guys enjoying the rare February sun and I thought about my own mom. How her feet must have swollen maybe she had heartburn and all while watching 3 other kids. How I was more than 10 pounds at birth and she and dad drove all the way up to Seattle to have me. How my dad had to work all the time to pay for all the things I was so sure I needed. How my mom agonized over how to spread the love and money around enough to fit all of us. How I screwed up and all they could do was watch. How they had to go to an endless list of games, recitals and birthday parties. The nights they worried when I moved out. How they were there when I got married and made it one of the most special memories of all time. How they must have worried when I was pregnant with my babies. I had this great moment of hurried anxiety when I thought, "Am I doing everything I can to deserve this?" Of course the answer is no. One could always do more. So my goal for being 35 is ... TO BE WORTH IT.
My mom would of course say I am worth it. I know my boys are. The difference is "I" need to feel it. I am so lucky to be born to such wonderful parents and sisters who love me unconditionally. It is so much. I just don't feel like I've quite earned it yet. So heres to trying harder.
:L
