Trip to mom's

While at the lake in Coeur D’Alene I was rocking a great almost 8 month belly in a bikini.

We played for a long long time in 100 degree weather when all of the sudden I feel an unfamiliar snap. No not my water it was the bikini top that decided it could no longer support my pregnant curves one minute longer. I hold it together and calmly tell Angela and Anna that I am going to need a bit of help. My bikini top es muerte. Shrieks of laughter ensue. I then tell Anna, who is a nurse, to help me get my shirt on to cover myself. So much laughter is inviting prying eyes of the million or so other beachgoers. Anna slops the shirt upside down on me. I inform my sister that what she did was not helping me. She then helped me get my one arm in then there was so much struggling and bam my left breast felt the breeze. Anna screams and so do I inviting anyone not already watching to join in the fun. To add a final nail in the already awesome day, I hear my nine year old niece yell from the water, “I saw that!” She runs in and says she saw my big nipples. I said, “oh goodness I know they are brown too like a pancake but don’t worry they will turn pink again after the baby is born”. Oh my too much information on my anatomy. Then I remember Laina is darker than me and she looks at me quizzically and says, “your nipples are pink normally.” I was ready for some calgon to take me away. Did I mention that we stayed there another 2 hours? I was practically a celebrity.

When it was time to leave after all the hullabaloo and heat I was looking forward to a quick exit. Of course, you can’t always get what you want. My oldest Xander cam out of the water after several hours, was messing with his swim trunks. It got to be a little obscene. Suddenly, his face went from calm to panic mode in 14 seconds. I told him to quit it right now. He said, “I can’t it hurts!”..... I said, “Where does it hurt?” More embarrassing and graphic tugging. He looks down his trunks and I can only describe his face as that of the kid in stand by me when he has the leach on his balls. He screams, “Its stuck! Help mom!!!” Deep breaths. “Ok let me see”. Xander- “Ohh!!!!! I got it........ its all red!!” This is then followed by ten minutes of him showing me his penis and testicles on a public beach. Apparently it got stuck in a hole in the netting of his trunks. The water was very cold and when the warm water rehydrated his male parts it got very stuck. He said it felt like it was close to being amputated. On his behalf it was very red.

Now I have 3 more days with 6 kids so a new post is almost certainly in my future.

Someone needs to censor me.

So I was having a "hormonal day" OK i was annoyed with no reason. I made the mistake of going to Winco in this state but hey the dog needed food. So we were in the bulk section (because we don't love the dog enough to buy good dog food) and I went to work getting the bag and starting to get the dog food.

I told Dexter, age 4, he could use the tongs and get a pig ear for the dog as well. At this point a very well behaved Dexter was doing as asked and a worker came out from the back. He barked at Dexter who is 4, "Don't Play In There!" There were 2 main problems here. 1. If a small child is near his mother a grown ogre, i mean man, has no business talking to them directly. 2. He was doing nothing inappropriate ( used tongs and was not spilling or touching anything.

My normal response is to hit the ignore button. Today was no ordinary day. With the man right there I was begging my id to not speak but my super ego lost today. I said, "You see that boys? You never want to behave like that man. He must have no authority at work or at home and feels the need to exert power over people he perceives as weaker than him in an effort to make him feel big. All it does is prove he is a very very weak man." Finally got a hold of myself to see a red faced man walk into the back.

Sorry Winco guy but you have no real need to yell at my 4 year old when I am right there. If he was acting poorly you should speak with me and then at your own risk as I am 6 months pregnant.

Believe it or not!

Out of the five statements below all are true except one. Four are true events and stories that occured in the last week. You be the judge.

1. Mom I didn't even have breakfast today or drink water. What about cereal and strawberries for breakfast? well ya there was that. And string cheese and apples for snack. Well.... you just didn't feed me very much. What about the soup and sandwich for lunch with grape soda for dessert? And the cupcakes we made and ate when they were still really hot? Well I still don't feel like I have had anything to eat today. Graham crackers tossed to child. End scene.

2. While doing a neighborhood clean up down in the projects of hilltop tacoma Picking up garbage with a pregnant belly 3 kids and a husband wasn't the first idea I had for that evening. Well we get to one of the houses with "activity" that the neighborhood watch is trying to push out my child, who is very well intentioned, goes right up to them and says, "my mom is pregnick she has lots and LOTS of kids." Then says, "How do you have so much garbage in your yard?" End Scene.

3. Whats that smell? Boys line up I need to smell your butts someone pooped or didn't wipe good enough. End Scene.

4. My loving mother it is 8 and we should all go to bed so we can wake up and do chores for you and rub your feet. End Scene.

5. All 3 boys in the shower and I hear giggles. Bad giggles. Then I hear. Moooo-ooomm Dexter is using your toothbrush to wash his penis. End Scene.

Have you made your choice yet? If you guessed 4 you are correct.

Lessons relearned

A half hour before bedtime, for the boys, they are supposed to clean the play room and their bedroom. This evening they played and messed around so no cleaning got done. This lead to the bucket coming out and everything going in that was left on the floor. This gets put away until they can keep the room clean for 2 weeks. The boys cried and Jake and I had to be the bad guys.

We talked to the boys about why it wasn't cleaned. Xander said it was Tiger's fault. Tiger blamed Dexter and Dexter asked if he could have some bread to eat in bed. (That kid is never full) We asked the boys to change the answers they were giving us to not blame or bring up anyone else but say what they could have done differently. We went on to talk about how important it is to take personal responsibility. Spending your life not accomplishing goals and blaming others is an easy path to take but not a very fruitful one.

Walking down the stairs I realized what that I had been a fool lately. My favorite definition of wisdom is knowledge applied. I was raised well by two loving parents and 3 older sisters and I received a TON of knowledge. I am fully responsible for not applying that knowledge. I have had goals that I have yet to meet and I have been putting them off for reasons that I can control. Life just gets more scary when you realize you are the one in the drivers seat and have been asleep at the wheel for the last few miles.

Having these kids has revealed to me the lessons I have forgotten and helped me in ways that I never knew possible. For that I will probably let them have their toys back after 1 day of keeping it clean. I think they deserve points for putting me back on the right path.

More lessons from Leo.

I guess I have to preface this post with a quick bit of background. Well, a couple months ago, I discovered that I was pregnant. Yes PREGNANT. Yes for the fourth time. And YES I am making Jake get the operation. Yes it IS another BOY. Your math is correct this is boy number four for the high school sweethearts who are coming up on their 12th wedding anniversary. In light of all these facts, I still must insist that everyone call this baby the surprise instead of the whoops or the accident. A surprise is something that you weren't planning on getting but you are very happy about it. An accident is when you get lipstick on your sisters white shirt you were just trying on to see how it would look and she will be home in 5 minutes (sorry Ang).

My dad is an emperor has no clothes kind of guy. He says things exactly how he sees them and it is a trait I have come to deeply admire about him.

My dad waited for us to be alone before quietly telling me congratulations. To which I laughed harder and longer than I have in a long time. You always worry about what your dad thinks of you and to have him show support when I felt like I had majorly screwed up took about 10 tons of pressure off my back and all I could do was laugh.

After a few minutes he smiles and says, "You will never be rich but you will have a lifetime of happiness." I stopped and felt startled. He had 4 girls and should know more than anyone else the struggles a large family could bring. He just let me in on the secret that we were more important than money and we brought him "a lifetime of happiness". My next thought was that though my kids would have to make do with Huggos instead of Huggies, Slide and Pounce instead of Tide and Bounce, Smeerios instead of Cheerios and we would have to all sacrifice some things. But, we would have each other and our lives will be full of ups and downs and most importantly, we could all look forward to "a lifetime of happiness". Is there anything more that anyone wants in this whole world?

So today, 5+ months pregnant with my FOURTH child, I am content. I can do this. My dad is proud of me and I can look forward to "a lifetime of happiness."

I hope when my kids come across their own challenges I can ease their burdens like my dad did for me that day.

adventures in mommy hood

Today I am on the phone with Jake and Dexter says he has to go potty. I tell him ok go then. What I failed to hear was the backdoor opening. A few minutes later Dexter came in and said I need to wash I have a little bit of poop in my pants. What? Did you forget to wipe? No there was no toilet paper outside. ... Did you poop outside. Here come the Dexter tears. Where is the rest of this poop? Max the chihuahua comes in licking his chops. He and Dexter exchange looks. Dexter hop in the shower. Max never come near me again.

Moral of the story: Get specifics when your child asks for something. ie hey mom can I go to billy's house? and do what my angel? light firecrackers out of my ears for a killer youtube video. Details parents. That is what we need from our children.

Day two of blogging

You know this is like a diet. You need to just immerse yourself in it for a little bit so it becomes a habit.

Today's topic is lessons my dad taught me. My father may be one of the very smartest people I have ever encountered. Seriously and I have worked with some and am related to some very smart people. His genius is in his logic. For example:

My dad loves Irish setters. A dog who they say has had all the brains breed out of it. One day my mom and I let him in on that fact. Thinking we were so evolved to know this tidbit of information. Well my dad's retort was so simple and logical I just about fell off my chair. He said, "why on earth would you want a smart dog?" Lets examine the merits of having a very smart dog. Lets see... They escape. They get into things you never thought a dog would. They will take direction from themselves if they think you are making a poor decision. Whereas a dog that has had the brains breed out of it will do exactly what you say. Its one goal in life is to make you happy. Sit Fido. Here on the freeway? Yes sir! Fido stay in the truck and I will be back later. Yes Sir!

Sometimes I think the nature of humans is to have the smartest, cutest, best of everything. My dad taught me with that one sentence that that is not always what is best for us. I think the common sense is being breed out of the human race. To bad everyone doesn't have a Leo to set them straight now and then.