Sister

Having sisters means-

1. You will have to share everything.  Always.  

2. You will awful and be forgiven.

3. You are set in the best friend department.

From clothes to beds you share.  You share with people who do not always deserve it when you want to or when you feel miserly and want to keep in for yourself.  That is how people start to deserve it. Someone giving unconditionally rubs off on others.

I once tried a shirt on of my sisters.  A white one.  Without asking.  After I tried on her red lipstick.  You guessed it I had red lip marks all the way down the front.  I threw the shirt under the bed and prayed she would think it was a robber who broke in and tried on her things and destroyed them like the in the three bears.  Long story short she found out,  Yelled and then felt bad when I cried and gave me a hug and asked me not to get in her things again.  You know what?  I almost waited 2 weeks to try on her things again.  But she still calls me and gets me presents.

Every time I have needed someone from me being sick in the hospital to needing an xbox for the boys my sisters are there.  I never even have to ask.  I can forget to call for weeks and weeks.  I will just pick up the phone and we will talk without missing a beat.

Having sisters is the best gift my parents aver got me.  They make me better than I am.

Out of the mouths of babes

Kids are some of the best bull crap detectors there are.  They can also cut straight though situations with straight forward honesty.

One day I was particularly overwhelmed and my oldest was about 4 and his brother was sick and I just cleaned up a serious mess of bodily fluids and was feeling queasy myself as I was pregnant again.  My oldest tried to play with me and I said. "Buddy, I just need some space."  Meaning get out of the way or I may blow with craziness.  He grabbed out my hand, opened my palm and put his pointer finger in the middle of my palm and says, "Pshhhhhhh" Like he was filling up my hand.  "Here  is your space."  It was pretty great.

The other day I was so very tired and making dinner for the family after work.  I sat down for a second and my son comes up and asks me to help him cut an apple.  I said, "Sure give me 2 minutes"  His retort, "Should I set a timer?"  Obviously my reputation is no good with this one when it comes to gauging how long a minute is.

The best is how much they mirror our behavior.  I hear quite often when we are walking home from the park, "My legs are broken I can't walk can you carry me?"  Or when I came home the other day and my four year old says, brrr.  I am just too damn cold I need a warmed blankie".  At least they are listening.  If they can remember the little missteps I am sure that the good things we teach are sticking as well. For now it is just funny to here ourselves from there perspective.

I love my kids and am proud of who they are becoming and scared witless as well.  It is a scary world full of troubles I never dreamed of as a child.  I need to go figure out why they are awake so late so I will cut this one short.  Take care to all.

:L

Leo my moral compass

So it snowed here and I have been making it to work every day.  There have been several nerve racking moments.  The night before I said, "If it snows again I will just stay home",  I woke up on Christmas Eve and it was snowing.  So I went outside in the morning got in the car started it and then thought what am I doing I have sick days I will call in.  I called in saying it was too slick.  I went back in and my dad asked what I was doing still there.  I told him I was staying home.  He totally made a face,  "Its just going to be a skiff of snow"  I told him it was slick.  He said, "Well it isn't going to be any worse later on."  I told him I had lots of sick days.  He said, "Well, they probably will let you out of work early anyways so it would be a real waste."  "Do you have things that need to get done today?"  So I got my boots back on and headed out.  My dad comes running out of the garage with a broom in his t shirt, jammies and slippers. Apparently I didn't clean off my car sufficiently either.

So I used my mini van as an ice skate and made it to work just in time.  I get there and everyone says, "Why are you here you called in?"  I had to say, "My dad told me not to let a skiff of snow keep me from my responsibilities.  He wouldn't let me stay home."  This led to great laughter by all.  So now all my coworkers love my dad and think he is the greatest.  Leo the hero.  What else is new.  He is pretty great.  I hope to be a good mix of my dad and mom when I grow up.  Obviously I have a way to go when I try to play hookey and my dad says no.

Best part of my day.  Even better than legos.

being selective

Wether you are choosing friends or more than friends be selective.  Now that I am close to forty, more mid late thirties,  ok ok 38,  I realize you don't have to be besties with every person that comes along.  We all know that not everyone has to like you but did you know that you do not need to like everyone?  As long as your not basing it on race creed or religion, because that would make you a jerk.    I mean there are plenty of reasons I don't like the lady who is into faith healing besides her faith.  She has an ear piece she is always talking into and I am always duped into thinking its me she is talking to.

You can be selective.  Your heart is a beautiful fragile thing that you should guard with your strong brilliant brain.  You do not need to accept every friend request that is thrown your way.  (Sometimes I have accepted waited a week or two then unfriended and blocked.  Whoops it was a total accident I was wondering why you never posted.)  What can I say I hate to hurt peoples feelings.

Do not be friends with your boss.  Be friendly but do not put your boss in the situation where they have to pull the boss card out and lose a friend.  That would be unsettling for both of you.

Do be friends with your family if they are not total jerks.  My sisters are my best friends and so low maintenance.  They also sometimes read my blog.  Hi Girls!

Unfortunately I have a soft spot for weirdos and end up caring for those odd ducks that talk about fifty shades of grey and when talking about first aid they ask if I want to try the heiny lick on them.  and say get it like Heimlich?  Because I love real people.  I love not guessing what they are really thinking or saying.  You just know.  They are rude and inappropriate and never mean to hurt a soul.

Put your oxygen mask on first!  Make sure to take care of you.  You are no good to anyone if you get to broken caring for others.  Trust me on that one.  That is why I have been writing every day.  Doing a little rebuilding by taking a few minutes to write my own thoughts down just for me.  Love yourself the best you can and don't take any wooden nickel friends.  I keep writing fiends so I thought that word wanted in bad enough I would let it.

Have a great night.

:L

Hows your PMA?

I had a lot of amazing teachers in my life.  I was very lucky.  Even my bus drivers taught me about respect and honesty.  

One of my teachers was Mr. Delorente.  I know I spelled it wrong but he was pretty great.  I had him for a teacher around the time I read Jurassic Park and there was a dinosaur called a dilophosaurus that would spit poison that would blind you.  This was hilarious to me because Mr. Delo was a passionate person who would often spit while talking.  This nickname I kept to myself until now.  But since I didn't spell his name right and it was more than twenty years ago I don't think there is much harm.   He was a former marine he could take a little ribbing. 

He taught history and would often veer off the topic to draw people into history.  One day while talking about the Korean conflict he looked over and saw out glum faces and said, "Hows your PMA"  We all woke up a little.  Then in his best Marine voice, "HOWS YOUR PMA?"  I asked what PMA was?  He said, "In this world you have to be a self starter and after that you need a motor that is your PMA.  Positive mental attitude"  So he had us stand on our chairs and say I am a self starter and make reving engine noises to indicate our level of PMA.  

Now we all laughed and teased each other on how silly this was.  But I think it affected everyone in that class.  We all listened better and that crazy teacher motivated us and his silly exercise has helped guide my life to this day.  

I try to be a self starter and have a positive mental attitude to get things done.  It is an excellent recipe for success given to me by a great teacher and an even better Marine.  So during difficult times I hear that marine shouting at me to raise my PMA.  So I am a work in progress but at least I have tools to work.

Today sucked

Working on having a grateful heart. Working on being a positive person.  But today sucked.

Sometimes it is just going to be sucky.  From suck town.  Population me.

So all I have is jokes to make this a positive entry

Did you hear about the new zoo?

It only has one dog.

Its a shitsu.

A seal walks into a club..

A Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.

What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?

sneakers


Hope your day was better than mine.

What are you holding on to?

Tonight my oldest went to give my husband a hug and he almost knocked him over.  My husband yelled and my oldest ran to his bed upset that he may have hurt his dad.  I made my husband come in and talk to the boy.  I told him that we all do things on purpose or not that we regret.  If we don't face them they stick to us an we hold on to them forever. I let him in on the secret that we all do things we regret and that is part of life.

I told him about the time there was a new girl at school who was so pretty that the boy I liked started to like her instead of me.  Her name was Regina.  I told a few kids her name was pronounced Ra gina.  Like it rhymes with vagina.  Even some teachers started calling her that.  I just told a few people but it really blew up.  I still feel bad about that.

It is crazy.  I bet that she never thinks of it but I still feel bad about those few days even now.  The whole rubber and glue rigmarole.  Growing up is hard.  Hurting someone, weather you mean to or not, leaves a mark.  So take care how you treat others and yourself.

Query of the day at the water cooler - Christmas edition

So the ladies in my office were setting up a Christmas tree.  It was elaborate.  Very impressive decorations throughout the office.

I told them about how my oldest told his entire class that he was Jewish in the first grade.  His entire class got to learn about Hanukkah, the menorah and the driedel.  I learned this at winter conferences and was quite shocked to learn he had converted to Judaism at the age of 7.

We all had a good laugh at the story.  Only my child right?  Then a devout christian lady who likes to pray for people and does faith healing was talking about her menorah...  Someone, thankfully not me, asked, "Are you Jewish now?"  She replied, "No but someone in my very close family is... Jesus." I walked right into that one.  Perfect set up.  lol

Soon after that I took my break in the gym to do some deep thinking whilst treadmill dancing.  I thought about it and thought well to be a christian is to be Christ like.  Jesus is the Christ of the Christians.  Jesus celebrated Hanukkah.  So I guess ya. All Christians should probably celebrate Hanukkah as well as Christmas.

Then I thought well Christmas was celebrated in December by the Roman Emperor Constantine to unite the people.  So the pagans could celebrate the solstice and the Jews could have Hanukkah and it would only make sense the Christians celebrate something as well all at the same time period. I mean shepherds would hardly let sheep in the hills during the dead of winter.

Then I realized Kelly Clarkston was on and we danced together (in spirit) to what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and after that decided to leave the deep thinking up to philosophers and keep with my goal to be kind and positive force and that is way more important than what kind of holiday decorations I choose at the end of the day.

So how you live and why you live are more important than getting caught up in the details.

Mental note: change Kelly Clarkston to something cooler and more "hip".  People with think you are a dork.

So the first three times I wrote this blog it was so negative

Wow.

I need to get a grip.  (also known as chocolate and pepsi)  Everything I wrote this evening made me sound bitter and negative.  So I will try again.  

I wrestled with my 13 year old and won the first match but quit during the second because my 11 year old could apparently see my "coin slot".  This is really irritating slang for but crack.  So now my 13 year old wants a rematch.  I told him I retired.  He is not buying it.

My 11 year old is pretty cool.  He is really working hard to overcome dyslexia and get his reading closer to grade level.  He is also the coolest kid that all others seem to gravitate to  

My 8 year old ginga ninja is a red head to the 9th power.  He is funny and emotional and sweet and basically all over the board.

My four year old likes all his food in circle form.  English muffins, ritz crackers and chicken patties would be his perfect meal as long as there was ketchup that does not touch the other food until the appropriate time.

My 40 year old (husband)  tries really hard to find his spot in the world now that he is disabled and struggles with where he belongs. 

Myself?  I am not really sure about me.  I am always busy and now make sure I make time to write everyday so I don't get so wound up. My hobbies now are: laundry, work, making dinner, washing kids, kids homework and nagging.  I practice my hobbies on the regular and haven't slept through the night in over 10 years.  Between the kids and my husbands illness there is not a lot of time for anything else.  The bright side?  I have a full rich life and though it feels like the accelerator is stuck on full throttle I smile every day and am so glad I am making the time to reflect on my life and smell the roses.  

Talks with my son about life

So my son is 13 and of course we had "the talk" with him.  It involved a rather clinical version of what is involved, a day of changing his brother's diapers and a rather unsettling google image search with the safe search turned off.  I googled the words "herpes outbreak" and "penis".  Wow  That was enough for both of us to swear off sex FOREVER.

The other day I talked with him about another important issue.  Your first heartbreak.  I told him how lots of people talked to me about sex but no one said how traumatic it was going to be to get your heart broken.  I said you will feel like the color has drained from the world and nothing will ever be good again. That no one can understand your pain and the world is cold and unloving.  I want you to remember that it will get better, then worse, and then better again.  It is just messy terrible wonderful life.  These experiences will shape your life and become part of you.  I told him I wanted him to remember he can come to me if he wants to or needs to and I will listen and silently judge. Then we laughed because come on its me.

After this loving talk he looked at me and said, "Try having a crush on a girl who was bisexual and then became a full lesbian at 12.  She even got the haircut."  I said, "Well that stuff happens too. Annie sure is a nice girl.  I also don't think the haircut has much to do with lesbianism and I am pretty sure it wasn't a requirement."

So I love talking to my kids about life good and bad.  Our lives are messy amazing gifts we get to have.  I am so lucky to have such an amazing family.

I get the message universe

So I have 4 kids.  I am close to forty.  My husband is terminally ill.  No use being vague this is a blog.  End stage cirrhosis.  He has been sober over a year now.I am so proud of him for that.  I now moved in with my parents to help take care of the kids.  So you might say that is quite a full plate of anxiety with a side of wow.

I am a positive person, annoyingly so, but I was having a bad morning and well the sky was falling.  That is when I saw the sign that changed my perspective.  It was a bumper sticker on a wood paneled station wagon.  It read, "Worse things are happening to better people".

At a time when I was so ready to wallow the universe told me to suck it up and be happy for my small potatoes first world troubles.

So when I start having a pity party I remember that its not a personal attack by the universe and I am pretty lucky for all the things I have in my life.

So that time I went outside with three kids while 9 months pregnant with the fourth and locked myself out of both the car and the house and had to pee myself a little so I could use a patio chair to climb through a window while the kids watched in glee/ horror that was just character building.  By the way way it was totally not pee but I thought that would be crass to admit.  In my defense I was super pregnant and we were locked out and it was raining in October.  So that time was ... character building.  Totally not a directed attack on my soul.

Even the time I had 4 kids including a 2 week old baby and was so happy to fit into my prepregancy pants to visit walmart.  I am a simple girl with simple needs.  I was filling my cart with groceries and bent down to get the cheap cereal and I heard the sound people in tight pants dread.  I giant rip noise.  I took a breath.  I had 4 kids and an entire cart and no more ass in my pants.  I picked up my new born realizing my breast pads had failed and I had no ass in my pants and wet boobs and now a crying newborn.  I stationed my children strategically, much to there horror, and proceeded to leave the store with 3 children laughing and asking why I wasn't wearing pants and I can see your butt.  Man I bet I am on a people of Walmart page somewhere.  That was totally something that happened so I could look back and laugh at it.  Someday.  Maybe in thirty years.

I live a rich and awesome life and thanks in part to that bumper sticker my perspective is where it belongs.

Love to all who are struggling and pantsless in the Walmart.  

The great oil mystery!

I work with about 20 other people in a small office in a seven story building.  The other day we got a very terse email from building management.  It stated that there have been several reports of people finding oil in the toilets from the janitor.  It also made clear that this behavior would not be tolerated.
I read it a few times put my head outside my cubicle to see who was pulling the prank and then laughed.  Hard.  My laughter drew a few office mates over and we were all cracking up.  I postulated that a person came in with baggies of oil from their deep fat fryer and dumped them in the toilets during various times of the day.  OK I know that is far fetched but I mean how else is oil getting in the toilets.  I had all sorts of visions about it and the tense janitor who wanted to bring CSI to the building and find the culprit.

I did see that a ceiling tile was moved and thought maybe they were filming but they just changed the the lamp in the light fixture.  As the day went by we did our work and giggled about who on our floor was the oily bathroom bandit.  Then a gal at work said she was pretty sure what it was....

So tell me!  I have to know. There is no logical answer.  Her response. Diet pills.  Her face drained of color.  This is when I had to start pinching myself to keep from cracking a smile.  What the what now?  Diet pills they make you defecate all the fats and oils you ate.  (pinch pinch pinch)  Sometimes it can even cause anal leakage.  (pinch pinch pinch pinch)  This is when I said, "huh that is so interesting" .  She went to have a meeting with the boss and we received no more emails about the oily crappers.  

The bravery it must have taken to reveal that someone was an oily pooper is amazing.  My ability to keep a straight face is magical.

Moral of the story:  If your taking diet pills that make you defacate oil and the building tries to track you down: Deny Deny Deny.  How would they prove that and last I checked pooping oil is not against the law anyway.

Being a wrestling mom

I should preface this story with the fact that I have 3 sisters and the only sport I did was ballet.  So ya.. not a lot of wrestling experience.

I made a deal with my 13 year old that if he worked hard, got good grades, kept his room clean and did after school sports I would let him play video games after school.  So far we have done lovely no touching cross country and now wrestling.  I fear most games with balls as my beautiful children share my fantastic ability to get hit in the face with any ball that is in the vicinity.  Not to mention the fact that we are bleeders.   I digress.  We are now a wrestling family.  I have been introduced to a garment called a singlet that I am fairly certain Miley Cyrus would consider racy.  It is like an old timey swimsuit that is so tight you can tell my sons religion.
 
The moves
Well  my 79 year old father, 70 year old mother and I for practicing buddies.  My mother can now put my father in a half nelson.  We were such a peaceful family before...  I had to practice  a move called a high crotch.  I think I have PTSD.

The meets
My son worked very hard and did well.  The first 2 meets we made it in time and he won.  The third meet I was late and his family got terribly lost and never made it.  Surprise.  My son of course lost.  He said he missed my support.  Please insert a dagger into my heart as that would be easier to take.  We then had a giant storm and school was cancelled and we missed a couple meets.

 Are you still with me?  So we go to the meet and the other team looks like they are on roids.  I mean bulging biceps huge legs the works.  They had awesome nick names like chubby and meat.  I thought I was probably going deaf with the meat name.  It had to be Pete right?  No, clearly meat.  His Neanderthal parental unit even called him meat.  I think I am going to go by meat from now on.  It sounds awesome.  The giants are decimating my childs team.  Its a blood bath.  several kids have cotton shoved up there noses from getting bashed by the likes of Chubby and Meat.  My child is up at the mat furthest from me.  As I am walking over I see a blur than my kid with blood all over his face.  I told Jake to hold me back as I may have to return the favor to the future criminal of America.  My child agrees to keep going, because he is a warrior. The brutes parents spent the whole time yelling ideas on how to maim my child.  I am not proud of it but I was mad and they were right behind me.  I said a little too loud, "At least my son only needs a tampon in his nose and doesn't have to resort to b**** moves".  He lost the match but just by a few points.  I lost my dignity but told my son on the way home and we had to pull over because we were laughing so hard.  He told me, "I really took a beating"  I told him where do you want eat.  He said, "what can I have"  I said,"Honey mommy feels real bad for you.  If you want pony meat I will go find a pony, beat it to death butcher and cook it up just for you,".  His retort?  "McDonald's sounds great".  We ate pony meat at McDonald's and made several jabs at his opponents manhood.  I am not proud of it but it was one of those moments that stick with you.

These last 3 years have been so hard.  I love the moments that feel normal and ridiculous.  The moments where we don't have to be saints.  I love my kid so much.  Not only can he take a punch but he is also one of the few who get my jokes.

Treadmill Dancing

So there is a small gym at my work and I go there for my breaks and some lunches.  (thank goodness I read that again.  I wrote lynches and it did not show as a spelling error.  I do not frequent lynches.)  This is an awesome alternative when it is too cold to walk outside.  I love to be there when no one else is so i can do treadmill dancing.  What is treadmill dancing you ask?  Well it happens when your jam comes on your phone and you feel it is time to get jiggy with it.  Sigh not sure if jiggy is still a thing or how on earth to spell it but man do I ever get jiggy with it.  There are mirrors so I can watch the awesomeness that is me dance on the treadmill.  Warning: Treadmill dancing is extremely dangerous to your body and your cool points.  Do not let anyone see you doing your model walk or grape-vining to the left.  Also beware when you are watching yourself.  The coolness that is you does not always translate to the mirror.  You may look nerdy but that is because the mirror shows thing backwards.  You are honestly the coolest thing ever.

I hardly even trip.  But sometimes I get caught up in Kelly Clarkston.  Did I mention you have to listen to nerdy music for it to work the best.   What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Moral of the story is let your freak flag fly, alone, where no one can see, and there are no cameras.

Side note waling backwards on the treadmill is an advanced move and should not be attempted in fake Uggs.  You will fall and it will be ugly.

Love to you all:)